So, I have been very bad this last week. I have not written in almost a week or so. The scene I posted for Resplendent a few days back was written last week, ahead of time. I typically try and stick to a ‘write at least 350 words a day’ schedule, but I have fallen out of it.
Simply put, I have no excuse. Really, there is no excuse for me not writing 350 words a day. This usually takes me about five to ten minutes, because I type really fast and typically can rough out what I want at the same speed.
There are reasons I haven’t been doing this, they aren’t excuses though. They don’t absolve me of my ‘writer sin’.
The biggest is that I have gotten more hours at my day job. While it is awesome that my next two paychecks will be substantially bigger than my previous, the hours are leaving me drained and tired. At the end of the day I am a gigantic baby and hover over the stove while I can still stand (because once I sit down after I get home that won’t be happening again) make food, and then eat, and then either play video games or go straight to sleep.
My hours are somewhat scattered as well. Friday I’ll be working a shift that will mean getting home sometime after 10pm. Saturday I’ll be working at 9am. Since I typically take public transit to work (and my brother-in-law picks me up when I get off too late to take it home), this means I’ll be getting up at 7am to catch the first bus in the morning.
Work set aside I have felt out of sorts and just off the past week. I have celiac and I imagine that I got contaminated at some point. Ontop of feeling physically out of sorts, I have been anxious and slightly depressed at the same time. Wheat really makes me feel bad just in general. All sorts of icky, gross, and suffering.
Lastly, there are people in my life currently that I do not really want there. Unfortunately I do not have a lot of power over getting them out of my life at this moment. Dealing with them is taxing, and I just want them to go away. I find myself growing angrier and angrier when I see them, and I feel like soon I’m going to burst and there will be screaming on my part. I’m like a bottle shaken, with a loosely placed cap, the pressure is going to built up and things are going to overflow.
I really don’t like feeling that way. In fact, I hate it. I hate feeling like I am letting my anger take control of me. I feel it lessens me, and weakens me, when I cannot control my own emotions.
Normally the best way for me to deal with them is to put them into my writing. None of my stories have seemed particularly appropriate to what I am dealing with right now, however. So I haven’t been doing that.
But, I am going to do better.
Starting today I am going to get back to doing at least 350 words a day. If I have to get up slightly earlier to do it, or go to bed slightly later. (The latter is really more likely, because I hate waking up.)
Sorry for the rambling whining post, but thanks for reading!