RamblePost: Why I haven’t Been Posting

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Hello all!

So I’ll start by saying there will be swearing in this post.  There will be rambling anger.  If course language offends you, you may wish to skip this one.

As I write this I have had over a day to consider this post.  I was planning to write it last night but I was just too fucking tired.  I got up extra early to go get my paycheck, spend some time with my sister (while sitting at a coffee shop and writing), and run some errands.  I hadn’t slept especially well the night before– I don’t really sleep.

I got in to work and my boss asked me if I could work earlier.  I had errands to run, I had plans, my sister was leaving to go to PAX.  I had fucking shit too do.  And I had already been scheduled to work nine fucking days straight.  (Some of these days are with only three hour shifts, but it is still 9-days where I have to go into work.)   So I said it would depend on what time I was needed (in case they absolutely needed someone at a certain time).

To which I got fucking shit:  “Oh, well I’ll just guess the magic time you can come in.”

Hey, fuck you, if you could make a schedule you wouldn’t be in this mess.  You’re the one that set my schedule as it was.  Not me. 

So I said I could come in an hour or and hour and a half early.

And got back, “Oh, it’s good money isn’t a concern for you.  That must be nice.”

Really?  Are you fucking kidding?  Of course money is a concern for me.  Money is a fucking concern for everyone.  Whether you have it or you don’t have it.  Prior to picking up my fucking paycheck I had approximately a dollar in my bank account.   I cut things really close.  I have enough money to feed myself for the next two weeks.  Sure, I would like more hours.  But when you tell me the fucking day of that you want to switch me up I can’t always fucking doing it.

How fucking dare you talk to me like this.  I am fucking human being who deserves some goddamn fucking respect.  I don’t treat you like shit.  I don’t treat you like less than a person.  What the fuck is your problem?  Are you unhappy with your life?  Going to be a retail manager for the rest of it?  Well, tough shit, that isn’t my fucking fault.

So last night, when I finally got off of my shift, I sat in my car and cried for a good five minutes. My manager had left shitty notes for me as well. Little reminders on how to do my job, because I apparently don’t meet her standards. (They were passive aggressive as all fucking hell.) Hence the crying.  Until I called my boyfriend and he asked me: “Why are you upset?  So your manager doesn’t like you.  Don’t let it bother you.  Are they cutting your hours?  Are they going to impact your enjoyment of Kingdoms of Amalur when you get home?  Are they going to impact your enjoyment of Farscape?  Or spending time with your cat?  No?  Don’t let it bother you.”

So I wiped away my tears, drove to Arby’s, bought myself a milkshake and went home. 

I’m still mad.  I’m mad that there are people out there who think it is okay to act like that.  I am mad that because they have “seniority” at a job they will get away with it.  I am mad that I can’t change it.  I’m pretty sure that even when I leave this job– because I will eventually –I won’t be able to do anything about it.  I’ll leave a review of this manager and how shitty they are to their employees, but it won’t make a difference.

It is really, really shitty.  And there are so many people out there like that.  So many managers that are just fucking dickbags but our hands are tied.  It’s like they get the title “manager” and they get license to become a raging fuckface to any in their employ.

What the fuck?  Really?  Having the title of “manager” does not give you freedom to treat me like shit.  Fuck you.  But okay.  You can be a shit.  You can treat me like dogshit.  In five years (or less) I’ll have a job a million times better.  Either I’ll go into the field my college degree will be in, or I’ll be a successful writer and can spend all day everyday writing from wherever the fuck I want to write.

What will you be doing in five years?

Probably the same damned thing.  I imagine you’ll die alone too, you fucking dickshit.

—-

Well, that felt really good to get off of my chest.  Now that that is done…  I’ve decided to embark on a bit of an experiment.  I’m going to produce a couple of 10-15k word ebooks to put onto amazon.  (Well probably 3 or 4 of them.)  And see if the sell well enough that I can produce them once a month or every other month, while I take longer care on my Magick series.

Lets see if this works!

Any thoughts on what I should write about?  I’m thinking vampires. >_>

(I might be kidding there.)

—-

On the subject of reviews.  Once my schedule is cleared up a little more and I feel less like shit, I’ll get doing them again.  I’m going to make it a goal of mine to try and finish the one I promised a few weeks ago soon.  And get it out.  For everyone waiting for a review for me–

I’m so so sorry for how long it has taken.

Yours,

C.

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