Ramblepost: What Motivates Me?



It has been a little bit since I posted to you guys. I’m doing alright, how are you doing? I just started college courses for the first time this week. (Keep in mind I’m in my late twenties. There’s a story behind why I’m just now going for a two year degree, but I’ll save it for another time.) So I’m feeling both incredibly hungry and tired. My first day after college I ordered pizza (gluten free!) when I probably shouldn’t have spent that money. The second day I got home and made dinner at 1:30pm because I was starving. Today after Math I had such a bad headache I wandered around the campus lost looking for somewhere to eat and eventually returned to the courtyard cafe, got a Pepsi, and went to lurk outside of the hallway by my next class to eat a flattened Odwalla bar and write this post.

This post will be a little rambling – hence the ramblepost title. It will also touch on some controversial subjects. So if you’re weak of stomach, or easily angered, perhaps you’ll want to skip this one.

Alright here it goes:

So my first day of writing I was given the assignment for next class to think about “what motivates” me. So I went home and thought about it. It’s really a two part question is it? It should really be “What inspires you to create?” and “What makes you angry enough to act?”. At the very least that is how I interpret this question. I’ll answer each question in turn.

What inspires me to create? Music, dance, song, verse, movement. I am overweight. Heavily. To the point that my doctors all tsk at me on occasion (or the really good ones are just as excited as I am when I weigh in under what I had the last time). So I don’t look the type but I really love to be active. I bike just under three miles at least three times a week now, up to six times. I have to bike in the morning 2.8 miles to the bus stop to get to school. I can just take a bus back or I can bike home. But three days in the morning I have to bike if I want to get to class on time.

I love it. It makes me feel free. The act of movement. The speed of it. The motion. The chant in my head “just keep going, just keep going”. Or when I’m getting close to the bus stop “almost there, almost there”. It’s awful and amazing at the same time. There’s freedom in it. I let go of every other thought in my head. I’m not worried about money. I’m not worried about how much I’m writing. I’m not worried about my appearance. About if I brought food. If I’m going to make it (in life, not to the bus stop).

Nothing touches me when I’m making that 2.8mile bike ride. The only thought in my head is I have to get there before 7. I have to get there in time. Keep going!

It’s like meditation. When I’m done with it I feel so much better. I’m ready to write, I’m ready to create. My ready to sit down and draw, or sing and dance, or write something. I’ve refreshed myself and I’m ready to produce.

But what makes me angry? Angry enough to speak out? Angry enough to act?

Several things, and I will list them in no particular order of importance because they are all important. All of them.

Gender Equality because feminism is not evil and sexism still exists. Because feminism is that all people are equal – man or woman. Feminism isn’t about taking rights away from men. It isn’t about taking away rights from fathers or sons or brothers. It’s about giving women rights that they are being denied– or were denied in the past. It’s about giving rights that your fathers, brothers, and sons have to our mothers, sisters, and daughters. If you feel that you don’t need feminism (and you’re a woman) ask yourself: Do you want to be able to vote? Do you want to decide who your OB/GYN is? Do you want your male coworker to make more money than you just because he is male? No matter your or his qualifications? Yes, you need feminism. We all need feminism.

LBGTQ+ Rights because being offended by someone’s sexuality is like saying you don’t like chicken, and then getting angry at someone sitting three tables away from you eating a chicken dinner. Why shouldn’t two men be able to marry? Why shouldn’t two women be able to marry? How is two people not involved in your marriage going to threaten your marriage? It isn’t. Shut the fuck up about “protecting marriage”. You aren’t. There’s so much more on this topic too. God, yes there are people who are physically male but psychologically/emotionally female. If they say they are a woman, if they identify as a woman TREAT THEM LIKE A FUCKING WOMAN. Also? Not all gay men talk with a lisp, have a limp wrist, and pepper every other word with “girlfriend”. Stop stereotyping.

Racism because it still exists. Woe be to the person who is born as a black woman in America. Being a woman is hard enough. Being black is hard enough. Being a black woman is a double fucking whammy. Lets just take a look at one of my other hobbies. How many video games can you point at where there is a non-stereotype/caricature lead black female character? I … will honest and say that I can’t think of a single one. Not unless it’s a game like Dragon or Mass Effect where you get to customize your character completely. I can’t think of one where you start at base as a black woman. Take a moment and think about that. That is fucking awful. Then think a little about how that’s just a tiny piece of the problem. Think about other medias. Think about business. Think about politics. It isn’t just black people either. There was a big internet kerfuffle recently about a man who dropped the ‘s’ from his name (Jose > Joe) and suddenly he got a ton more responses to his resumes. Yeah, that’s amazing.

Legalization Of Marijuana just because the government tells us it is a gateway drug does not make it true! Just because you smoke pot does not mean you’ll become a crackhead. And if we can’t legalize it we should at the very least allow it as a pain killer. It should be legal for pain management in every state. This is near and dear to me (and no I am not a pot head), because my father was very sick before he died. And yes, he did smoke pot on occasion. And no he didn’t have a medical marijuana license. When he did smoke it? It helped his pain a thousand times more than the handful of narcotics that his doctor proscribed him. He tried, and he tried, to get his doctor to let him just smoke pot. His doctor wouldn’t do it. So instead of being given an MJ card he was given so many drugs. He was given ambien, soma, oxycontin, vicodin, and various others – three of these drugs taken together KILL YOU. They kill you. Marijuana would have done my father far better. So yes, I am pro-legalization. I believe that I would have had a few more years with my father if it had not been for the heavy narcotics, sedatives, and other drugs he was on. He would have been happier, and his standard of living would have been better. I will always be pro-medical marijuana or pro-legalization.

I think that’s enough for now. I have so much more to say on many of those issues, but I also have homework to be doing now. (I started this post on Monday of this week, and it is now Saturday. I may post later some of the writing exercises I had to write, because they touch on these things – feminism – and I may post the essay I need to write for class. I haven’t decided yet. Though, it probably won’t be posted until after it is turned in and graded.)

I hope you’re all safe and having a wonderful weekend!




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